Next seasons "Survivor" shoot in Texas

Due to the popularity of the "Survivor" shows, Texas will be the site of next year's show, "Survivor, Texas-Style." The contestants will all start in Dallas, then drive to Waco, Austin, San Antonio, over to Houston and down to Brownsville. They will then proceed up West Texas to Del Rio, El Paso, Midland, Odessa, Lubbock, and Amarillo. From there they will loop back to Abilene, Fort Worth, and finally back to Dallas. Each pair of contestants must be of the same sex, will be driving a pink Volvo with bumper stickers that read: "I'm Gay," "I Love the Dixie Chicks," "Boycott Beef," "I Voted for Obama," " George Strait Sucks," "Hillary in 2012," and "I'm here to confiscate your guns." Driving in Interstate Highways will nor be permitted, nor will eating in franchised fast-food restaurants. All driving must be on two-lane blacktop roads and at least one meal per day must be consumed in a Bar-B-Que place. At least one dinner must be eaten in "The Big Texan" in Amarillo, "Mama Rosita's" in Harlingen and "Fred's Bar, Grille and Pistol Range" in Lufkin. Extra credit will be given for all meals consumed in establishments that have chicken wire stretched between the band and the bar area. Extra points will be awarded for any day in which both contestants fire at least 100 rounds of pistol ammunition (rimfire ammunition does not count) and/or both go the entire day without speaking English or Spanish. but in fact are able to totally communicate in TexMex, AKA Spanglish. Extra points will also be given for discharging one's body fluids on a certain football field in College Station and then cleaning one's self with the Dallas Morning News. Any injuries sustained that require treatment by a physician or in a hospital emergency room will deduct points. Any contestant getting medical treatment from a licensed vet or having their vehicle repaired by a blacksmith will receive extra points. The first one to make it back to Dallas alive wins.